"somebody more like you"

i didn't hear you say you're sorry

the fault must be mine

i wish you all the best of luck

at finding somebody more like you

you said you'd love me always, truly

i must have changed

cause you don't need me like you used to

i hope you find somebody more like you

i hope you finally find someone

someone that you trust

and give him everything

i hope you meet someone your height

so you can see eye-to-eye

with someone as small as you

you came out of nowhere, made me smile

then tore me in two

saying, "we're very different people"

so dear, i hope you find somebody more like you

i hope you find somebody more like you

"somebody more like you"

nickel creek

what is it about relationships that just make you pay more attention to song lyrics? no matter what stage of a relationship you are in, there's probably a song about how you feel... or maybe i'm just a dork.

the average chemistry of life

note: the following train of thought is part of an ongoing scribble that is spread across that last page of a few of my notebooks. chances are i was supposed to be studying, but instead my mind started to wander in more 'philosophical' directions. proving once again that i've become such a science dork that i can't even daydream properly. please bear in mind that the following ideas are incomplete and certainly require more serious reflection.

ever since smart people started to investigate the world around them (probably the greeks), people were certain that there had to be a fundamental difference between those things that are alive and those that are not. rocks, hills, and trees (to them at least) just had to be missing something that humans, and animals to a lesser extent, possess. i'm sure they concocted some interesting explanations based upon their observations. but today, our molecular understanding of life indicates that all functions of biology are purely at the mercy of 'blind' chemistry. (more fundamentally we could say physics because that is what drives chemistry, but i'm a biochemist/molecular biologist, not a physicist.)

everything that has been learned about cellular life in the last hundred years; enzymes catalyzing reactions, gene regulation, environmental perception, everything is carried out by simple, favorable chemical reactions. as microbiologists we often speak of a bacterial cell 'sensing' the most readily metabolizable energy source and producing the corresponding enzyme pathways. after all 'response to external stimuli is one of the basic criteria for defining life.' in our abstract language we imply that a single bacterium is controlled by a conscious decision maker in a small membrane-bound cockpit manipulating the controls. but a living cell is fundamentally nothing more than an enclosed aggregate of molecules, very complex and specialized molecules by any measure, but molecules no the less.

this bears with it great complications. what makes these interacting molecules so special to set them apart from acid/base chemistry in a bubbling stream, ozone formation in the upper atmosphere, and dissolution of salt ions in water? nothing! it's all the same simple chemistry. there is basically nothing fancy about biological chemistry; charges interact, hydrophobic regions associate together by van der waals forces, electrons are passed around, and covalent bonds are formed and broken. what then bridged the great gap between chemistry of the non-living and chemistry of the living? how did unavoidable, spontaneous, and random chemical reactions become so concerted and organized to point of autonomy capable of precise self-replication? likewise, how could the continuation of these reactions result in undirected improvement and selection through evolution?

to be honest, the molecules responsible for life are far more complex than those which you associate with the non-living. you'll be hard pressed to look in your backyard and find a interesting molecule that is not the result of 'living' chemical reactions. interestingly, the element at the heart of many such molecules is carbon. everything in a cell; it's lipid membrane envelope, the protein machines, the dna blueprints, and even the 'food' it consumes are all based around carbon chemistry. (organic chemistry is inescapable) but lest we forget, other carbon containing compounds, thou less complex and far less exciting, exist in nature with the help of life. popular examples of these molecules include methane, carbon dioxide, and bicarbonate; so we can't really rely on carbon as 'the stuff of life' even though it plays a critical role.

now the wandering mind (well, my wandering mind) takes things a step further and on to bigger questions; scarier questions. how do we make the next jump, from single-celled life up to a rational, reflective organism like a human? right now we may not be able to explain consciousness, thought, language, and emotion in terms of chemistry. so we are back with the greeks, and appeal to an understanding not rooted in chemistry. such a view can certainly change, as scary as it sounds. and what about God? does our idea of a creator or supreme being fall under attack if we now adopt a 'chemical' perception of the world and it's organization into life? maybe God would have to exist outside of this world of interacting molecules if our understanding of Him is to hold true. there are some obvious implications that this possess to creationism and evolution camps alike. none of which i am prepared to consider just yet.

what about life on other plants? how does this all effect our definition of 'life?' it seems that if our complex and diverse mixture of life here on earth functions successfully by spontaneous, favorable chemical interactions (and may have arisen from such interactions) there must, unequivocally be life (at some level) elsewhere in the vastness of the universe.

it doesn't take long to see the danger inherent in some of these ideas. i'll admit, it's scary stuff that can shake your foundation. but it begs a lot of questions that thinkers great (or at least more educated) that i aren't always willing to touch. like i said, more development is required. fortunately i'm never at a loss for homework i'd rather not be doing.

on the run...

so i think it's safe to say that in the last four months i've done more running than i probably have in the previous 23.5 years! which is kinda funny considering that i played varsity soccer and tennis in high school and even two years of college tennis. everyone just assumes that i was cross country runner, but no. this year, all of a sudden, i just starting running just for the sake of running.

a few weeks ago someone asked me why i run. she could not understand why anyone would just go out on and just run two, three, or five miles just for the hell of it. the best part is, i don't understand it either. i couldn't give her an answer, i just said "i don't know," like some idiot. but then i thought about it more. i thought about it when i was rushing home from work to get stretched out and on the road, when i was burning down the sidewalk in 90 degree sunshine, when i was cursing my pain-striken legs through the last mile, and when i was bent over my knees wondering if this would be the run that finally made me puke! i thought about it a lot, and here's a few ideas i came up with.

1. grad school is a bitch! just when i had figured out how to play the college game, everything changed and now i'm thrown into a HUGE university taking impossible classes and attempting to complete productive, original research. needless to say it was pretty easy to get lazy after all that other stuff and outside of 2 hours of frisbee a week (when it's actually warm out) i was getting next to no regular exercise. my sister had done lots of running and i'd done some myself in the past, but only sporadically. but it seemed like an easy thing to do on my own, which was good since all my friends are crazy busy grad students too who don't take to running very well. so i made a big jump and bought a pair of good running shoes in may, and just forced myself to get started!

b. i don't know why and i don't know how; but for some reason i enjoy my daily run. i'll be perfectly honest and admit this defies all reason. every day after work i struggle to get my shoes on, get stretched out, and hit the asphalt. i'm exhausted and all i want to do is watch tv and eat. i hate the last mile; when i'm sucking air, my legs are crying, i'm soaked in sweat, and my mouth is dry. i hate the stiff feeling i get all over my body when i finally get back to the apartment. yet all the time in between; when i'm settled into my pace and my mp3 player is pumping in my ears, i'm just in the groove, effortlessly cruzing along and some days i swear i could just run forever. it's the most unsuspecting peaceful feeling. all the stress associated with classes, failing research experiments, department administrative bullshit, relationship woes, everything just disappears in my wake. my head is finally sorted and cleared. i work out plans, reflect on the days experiences, and contemplate possible entries for this block. all as i chug along at a steady 6:45 minute mile pace. unfortunately, it doesn't take long for all those things to catch up with me when i stop.

III. turns out running can be a great benefit for you and for others too! i really enjoy running charity 5K races and, lucky for me, the greater lansing area has TONS of them throughout the summer. most of these races are held to raise money for different charities of sorts. so for about $15-25 i can run a sunday morning 5K (earning a t-shirt and race snacks) and some of that money actually goes to charity. so in the seven races i've participated in this summer i made some contributions to angel house, the listening ear, ele's house, lansing community college, and the potter park zoo. all of this is on top of the great exercise and friendly competition.

i don't want to paint a completely pretty, happy picture of my new running hobby. running still hurts and a good race really kicks my ass. i have to keep reminding myself that this is therapy for me; it's my release from grad school insanity. when i find pace slipping and my side really cramping i just take my run eight feet at a time. i concentrate on the next eight feet and forget about the remaining four miles. it's suppressing how far i can run when i don't think about it.

well with a few weeks left before the onset of the great michigan winter there is still much running to be had. i'm currently gearing up for my longest races yet; an and a !!! To make it worse they're only a week apart. After that, there's a few more 5K runs to finish out the season. i'll keep at it and start brainstorming ways to keep up my miles through the winter.