the beer nuts

so in my previous post, i mentioned my failed application to become the beer advisory columnist for michigan state's student newspaper the state news. if you haven't heard, i didn't get the job. sadly they decided to give it to chris michner and kyle miller who, i'm told, have "more brewing experience." now for those of you who've tasted my homebrew (ok maybe not the cherry cream ale) should be rolling on the floor right down in a puddle of your own urine. i'm sure captain accountant and first mate physiology (yeah, i facebooked their bitch asses) have churned out half a dozen quality brews from their highly advanced, just-add-water mr beer kit. about a week ago their first column appeared on the newspaper's website rambling some shit about pumpkin beers, but writing seemed entertaining. today tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb saw print for the first time with: savor these brews to survive the holidays. i encourage you all to read it.

now this "review" is a true journalistic gem, if i might say... or i could actually be honest and call it the most bland, unoriginal, and uninspiring description of four beers i've ever read in my entire life!!! for starters, they attempt to tackle holiday spice beers, a difficult subject because they embody flavors that just don't seem to belong in a beer. the sad part is, i almost enjoy their writing style... right up until they actually start talking about the beverages they're giving advice on! i personally enjoy their excessive use of the word "flavor" - 13 times in a 698 word article, sometimes even more than once in the same sentence: "the most prominent of the FLAVORS you will experience is the telltale FLAVOR and sweetness of the honey added to the brew. " granted, i was not an english major in college, but i'm smarted enough to know a little word variety is a good thing! best of all they never even bother to discuss what the hell a holiday spice beer's FLAVOR should be!! these numb-nuts are writing to 40,000+ students many of which spend saturday nights drinking natural light until they puke!! they don't have a freaking clue what the hell a winter white should taste like. all they know is that six of them cost the same as a 30 pack of their usual swill!!

but alas, these fine gentlemen are, after all 'experts' and i appreciate their advice. i can't wait to read their next insightful joyride into the vast unknown frontier of fermented magic as only a 6th grade vocabulary can facilitate. thus giving me even more reasons to hate the state news. honestly, if it wasn't for the sports coverage, the comics, and the $5 tax added to my tuition, i probably would never pick up a "free" copy on my way into the lab.