the beer nuts

so in my previous post, i mentioned my failed application to become the beer advisory columnist for michigan state's student newspaper the state news. if you haven't heard, i didn't get the job. sadly they decided to give it to chris michner and kyle miller who, i'm told, have "more brewing experience." now for those of you who've tasted my homebrew (ok maybe not the cherry cream ale) should be rolling on the floor right down in a puddle of your own urine. i'm sure captain accountant and first mate physiology (yeah, i facebooked their bitch asses) have churned out half a dozen quality brews from their highly advanced, just-add-water mr beer kit. about a week ago their first column appeared on the newspaper's website rambling some shit about pumpkin beers, but writing seemed entertaining. today tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb saw print for the first time with: savor these brews to survive the holidays. i encourage you all to read it.

now this "review" is a true journalistic gem, if i might say... or i could actually be honest and call it the most bland, unoriginal, and uninspiring description of four beers i've ever read in my entire life!!! for starters, they attempt to tackle holiday spice beers, a difficult subject because they embody flavors that just don't seem to belong in a beer. the sad part is, i almost enjoy their writing style... right up until they actually start talking about the beverages they're giving advice on! i personally enjoy their excessive use of the word "flavor" - 13 times in a 698 word article, sometimes even more than once in the same sentence: "the most prominent of the FLAVORS you will experience is the telltale FLAVOR and sweetness of the honey added to the brew. " granted, i was not an english major in college, but i'm smarted enough to know a little word variety is a good thing! best of all they never even bother to discuss what the hell a holiday spice beer's FLAVOR should be!! these numb-nuts are writing to 40,000+ students many of which spend saturday nights drinking natural light until they puke!! they don't have a freaking clue what the hell a winter white should taste like. all they know is that six of them cost the same as a 30 pack of their usual swill!!

but alas, these fine gentlemen are, after all 'experts' and i appreciate their advice. i can't wait to read their next insightful joyride into the vast unknown frontier of fermented magic as only a 6th grade vocabulary can facilitate. thus giving me even more reasons to hate the state news. honestly, if it wasn't for the sports coverage, the comics, and the $5 tax added to my tuition, i probably would never pick up a "free" copy on my way into the lab.

exploring beer diversity

when the msu newspaper (the state news) solicited for someone to write a beer advisory column i just had to sumbit an entry for application. i figure i know as much, probably more, than most of the lousy undergrads on campus. the enditor has yet to return my email and i'm doubtful my work will ever see print. but i wrote the damn thing and someone ought to read it. so i present it here for my single loyal reader:

Whether you chalk it up to nature or nurture, I have undoubtedly picked up my father’s knack for obscure beers and his never-ending desire to explore the previously untasted. He sets a firm example, making sure never to stock our refrigerator with lesser Budweiser or Miller barley pops, but instead with domestic and foreign craft ales. Exotic beers have become our obsession and my father is unquestionably proud to see me carry on the family tradition. Our every conversation centers on our latest beer encounters, and I don’t dare drive home to visit my parents without a fresh six-pack of Michigan microbrew.

We have developed a family code that strictly governs our consumption practices; steering us away from the commonplace and towards the exploration of beers with more character. The most enjoyable part of being a beer-drinker is the ongoing pursuit of newfangled brews, and I never tire of searching for something novel to try. Beer’s greatest strength lies with its diversity. I hate to see people stuck in a rut, always ordering the same watered-down long-neck at every bar. With the hope of encouraging fledging beer connoisseurs everywhere, I’ve assembled a short guide for expanding your beer repertoire.

Start by experimenting with styles. The style of a beer defines its basic characteristics, such as: color, bitterness, body, aroma, and alcohol content. Historically, the assorted styles arose from the various ingredients used in different locations. These include: yeast strain, brewing technology, water quality, and even politics. Today, styles provide us with a vocabulary for discussing and comparing beers, while taking into consideration their different composition. Most novice drinkers, being accustomed to megabrewed swill, should start with smooth amber ales before progressing either towards more bitter IPAs or towards rich, creamy porters. Don’t be afraid to try as many styles as possible because each offers a different glimpse at beer’s complex nature. Each has a true staple example that can provide you with a fair representation of what that style has to offer.

Finding styles you prefer will greatly reduce your field of possibilities and you can begin to investigate different brewers’ interpretations. Although a style dictates the primary ingredient make-up and flavor characteristics, an element of artistry exists in brewing. The dream of every brewmaster is to develop a recipe that fits the established style guidelines but still has its own unique taste. Sample different iterations within a style and you should begin to develop a nose for the core composition of that style and appreciate how different brewers make it their own. Now, when confronted with a new beer, you can guess whether you’ll enjoy it or not because you have experimented within the style it represents.

Like all beer drinking, experimentation of new brews is best done with friends. More bars are increasing their selection, but don’t expect to find the truly obscure ones on tap at your local watering hole. Host a themed beer party and invite everyone to bring a different six-pack. You can choose from various themes like: regional beers, Michigan microbrews or German imports; style, stouts or fruit beers; or the totally extraordinary, non-English labels only. Whatever your theme may be, it provides a great opportunity for a group of friends to try many different beers without individually committing more than $10. Be sure to have small taster cups on hand because more than six people will want to try each beer, and you’ll undoubtedly crack one that you won’t want to finish.

It’s only fair to warn all you fledging connoisseurs of the risks inherent in beer experimentation. First, the craft beers I’m talking about, whether microbrew or import, will cost you more than say, the everyman’s case of Bud Lite. Be selective and make your purchases count because $9.00 six packs quickly add up to make an expensive hobby. Second, you’re going to encounter beers you won’t ever want to drink again. Not every beer should to appeal to you, but that’s the point of the whole process. You’re trying to broaden your horizons and experience the rich diversity of beers out there and they can’t possibly all be to your liking. I can remember a few dank beer experiences of my own, including a $40 case of Trois Pistoles that left me with 23 bottles in need of ‘alternate disposal.’ Third, you’re bound to get mixed reactions from your peers. In a perfect world, you would be quickly elevated to the role of resident beer aficionado, revered for your cool, sophisticated and refined palate. After all, you have methodically tested beers across the full spectrum of taste and color, while you’re friends slammed cans of PBR every night. However, people could just as easily write you off as a beer snob prick. It’s a chance you take.

But my hope is really that you learn something from a journey in beer exploration. Learn that beer has much more to offer than what the mass-producing factories of Anheuser Busch, Miller, and Coors try to force feed you. Learn that although most brews fall into defined styles, every brewer (especially the small ones) adds their own flair, which results in limitless taste variability. But once you find a style you like, you should be able to rely on it when drinking at any new pub or brewery. So be bold, step away from that pedestrian, watered-down beer you've been drinking, and reach for something with a little more character.

reflections on 26.2

it has now been exactly two weeks since i completed the LeSalle Bank Chicago Marathon!! it took me a while, but i've finally accepted the fact that i really did run a marathon. if you read the previous post, you'll see that was pretty anxious during the week before the event... pretty NEGATIVE anxious to be more precise. true is, with all my ITBS problems, i really didn' t think i had a shot in hell of running the whole distance. and frankly, that PISSED ME OFF, a lot.

but i have to give some credit to my sister and her housemates. i know they were all pretty worried for me but none of them showed it. they were nothing but positive and supportive. i knew that i had to participate in one capacity or another. i knew that the start would be just as exhilarating as the finish. i knew that if i could run the first 10 and walk the rest, i'd still make it before the course closed. on the morning of oct 22, i don't know if it was their prayers, my adrenaline, the extra support straps on my IT band, or the gram of aleve running through my veins, but i made it! i ran every single one of those 26.2 miles!!!! and had a blast doing it!!!

running this marathon has easily become the one of the greatest things i've ever done. it was truly one of those big life accomplishments. i spent 4:51:50 just strolling around chicago with my sister and 34,ooo other crazy people to the sound of constant support from 1.5 million spectators!!! the first 22 miles really went fast! between the live bands, crazy spectators, friends we met along the way and all the other people, there are plenty of things to distract you from your throbbing legs! the last four however, were hell. by that point i started to realize how close we were to the finish. and so instead of just having fun in the moment, i started to think about the finish line, and it seemed like those last few miles took an eternity, literally!

despite the fact i could hardly walk for 2-3 days afterward, it really did take a few days to fully realize what i had done. and honestly it feels pretty good! i think i've shown EVERYONE my finisher's medal because damnit, i'm proud of my accomplishment. everyone asks me 'will you do another one?' sure, i think i'd like to run more marathons. knowing that i've made it once, really makes it more attainable. the marathon is no longer this lofty, insurmountable obstacle. there is, however, always room for improvement. my training was wrought with injury and i'm curious how much better i could have done with the training plan i had hoped to complete. but it will be a few years before i have another try at it and i'd like to pick a location a little warmer than chicago. but i plan on telling my grandkids that "i ran my FIRST marathon in chicago when i was 25."