the cluttered mind of a young scientist

random headlines

2007-07-06T23:17:00.000-04:00

so it's time for me to make the periodic, much overdue post about how i really want to keep this lame-ass thing up-to-date. blah blah blah. seems like it's the only thing i remember to do every 4-6 months. so here are some headlines for my fans (hahaha. riiiight.)

passed my oral comprehensive exam. at least 5 people believe i have some level of competency in the field of genetics. i felt really good about grad school... for a day.
i went to visit joe and becca in los angeles. extended svc family. i love those kids.
moved into a new rental house with 3 friends. now i live with 3 lazy assholes instead of 1! it's actually pretty sweet, so come visit.
i may have a crush on my new training partner, who of course has an out-of-state boyfriend. not sure if i'm going to play steal card. but either way, i'm going to get into GREAT shape hagging out with her while i try to decide.
my adviser is busting my ass over writing a review paper and i have 8 weeks to pound out enough data for a conference in august... oh right, and it's super nice outside and i'm NOT motivated to do any of it!
the weigand/hergenroeder clan is meeting in lakeside, oh... could be dangerous.
i haven't brewed beer in over 6 months = MY LIFE IS TOO BUSY!

that's enough teasers for now. look for more info in the future... like 6 months or so.

complacency

2007-02-20T21:46:00.000-05:00

[kuh m-pley-suh n-see] -noun - a feeling of quiet pleasure or security, often while unaware of some potential danger, defect, or the like; self-satisfaction or smug satisfaction with an existing situation, condition, etc.

i've really been thinking about this word a lot in the last month. and now, on the eve of ash wednesday and the up coming lenten season, i struggle with how it applies to my current state. i firmly believe that sunday homilies should always light a little fire in us, make us feel uncomfortable, and inspire us to act a differently when we walk out of church and back into the world. the gospels and homilies i've been hearing the last month have been a resounding "call to action" of sorts.

a week ago (i think) we heard about the recruitment of peter and the other fishermen to be apostles. fr mark discussed his call to priesthood and said we're all out there "just fishing" and waiting for to receive that call to service, to fulfill God's plan. and just this past sunday, a visiting priest from nj (who sounded like a ny mobster) said a big problem with young people is that we expect to live a long life and therefore put off change until 'tomorrow.' rather, he says, we should step up now! especially during lent, to work at changing our hearts and reaching up to God.

i know i've written before about my 'rut.' a cloudy haze of seemingly insignificant monotony that i can't break free from. in the rush of school and research i've become complacent with my stale spiritual life and overall 'direction.' but i hear these sunday words, both from the gospel and from the homilist, and it stirs something in me; something that i can't ignore... at least for the next few hours, or in those waning hours when i can't fall asleep. i feel stuck "fishing" and waiting to receive a call... any call. it doesn't have to be a huge, life-altering call. it could just be a little whisper of "hey, go volunteer to serve soup this week."

the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one right? i've done that. i've identified my own complacency, now i need to get my hands dirty trying to crack out of it. seems all to appropriate that tomorrow, ash wednesday, starts the long season of lent. a perfect time for reflection, self inspection, and hopefully correction. everyone (i.e. all my non-catholic colleagues) keeps asking me what i'm giving up for lent. but this year it's going to be more about what am i adding for lent. i want these 40 days to be more about positive steps, additions to my daily life, that i'm going take in order to break out of spiritual complacency. (it's funny how so many people misunderstand the traditions of lent) so what are they? i haven't ironed them out yet... like i would tell you anyway? but hope, no expect changes, because what's the point if no real progress is made?

wanted

2007-02-18T22:15:00.000-05:00

accepting applications now for female associate. responsibilities include conversation, shared meals, watching tv, back rubs, laughing, arm candy duty, and all other general "hanging out"... with the occasional closed door engagement (in due time of course). please send resume and cover letter along with your results from the following survey:

PART A:
do you...

recognize the beautiful simplicity of jeans and tshirts?
enjoy craft and import beers?
attend church regularly?
prefer home cooking over restaurant food?
enjoy running for more than just the fitness benefit?
respect the superior handling of the subaru's all wheel drive system?
have a sharp wit?
know the names of any of the original wallace and gromit short films?
wear glasses?
have a nice, squeezable butt?
watch and quote seinfeld regularly?
play tennis, soccer, and/or ultimate frisbee?
know how to goof-off on the dance floor?
consider yourself a practicing catholic?
eat breakfast every day?
appreciate the music of phil collins?
know how to drive a manual transmission?
love when it snows?
possess a college degree?
still watch cartoons?
insult me repeatedly in a sarcastic manner?
enjoy attending live sporting events and actually WATCHING the game?
exercise 3 or more times per week?
attend graduate school in any field other than genetics?
love cooking even if you suck at it?

PART B:
do you...

order bud, but light, miller lite, or any other donkey piss excuse for beer when you go bars?
consider dry-humping a reasonable way to dance to hip-hop music?
ascribe to some ridiculously restrictive eating regimen?
watch soap operas?
perpetually listen to your IPOD?

PART C:
do you...

frequently visit tanning salons?
enjoy casual sex?
refuse to go outside without excessive make-up?
bench press your body weight and mine combined?
touch pee-pees on the dance floor?
smoke?
show any loyalty to the michigan wolverines?
feel the need to call or see me every day?
dress like a scank and go to dingy bars EVERY weekend?
have any children?

*survey questions subject to change without notice.

SCORING:

tally up the number of 'yes' from PART A and subtract double the number of 'yes' from PART B. this is your total adjusted score (TAS). if...

(TAS = -6 to +5) i'm not really sure your mike material, so write a damn good cover letter, but it's not looking good.
(TAS = +6 to +12) still a pretty weak showing, but considering the lack of options on the table, you may float to the top a pile... because your application IS the pile.
(TAS = +13 to +22) you're right in the ball park of what mike is looking for. review of application material is still needed, but i'd say you have shot.
(TAS = +23 or more) forgo sending any other application materials. just send your address and ring size. you're a done deal!

IMPORTANT:
should you answer any questions in PART C with a 'yes' you are automatically DISQUALIFIED! please do not waste my time by sending your application, it will only be rejected. no exceptions.

valentine's day

2007-02-13T21:50:00.000-05:00

valentine's day is such a funny holiday. for couples, it's a one-way giving spree and for singles, it's another day to be depressed and bitter. me, i don't really care. but i've had fun watching other people respond to this holiday, and it's not even until tomorrow!!

a coworker of mine, in a long-term, mid-distance relationship tried to argue with me the one-sidedness of this holiday. women, i proposed, expect big things from their men but never really put in an equal effort. (how is this different from any other day of the relationship? i don't know, that's another post, for another day.) she however, assured me that she put equal effort into valentine's day. but.... then spent 10 minutes to justify why she wasn't willing to pony-up the money to send him flowers or treats. this afternoon, she received flowers from her boyfriend. i think i can win an argument with her without even talking!!!!

some of my single friends, conversely, are full on into their "to hell with valentine's day"-crotchety-depressed mode. they hate everyone else who's doing something special tomorrow and just want to get drunk!

personally, both people crack my shit up! so what am i doing to celebrate the holiday of love?

1. i sent my grandma a card (like i do every year).
2. i'm going bowling (it's league night).
3. i'm going out with some single friends for beers to celebrate our single independence!
4. i made an appointment for my subaru to go into the shop on thursday. i figure, without a girlfriend, my subaru is currently the love of my life and i might as well pamper it.

update

2007-01-27T20:47:00.000-05:00

wow. it's been a long time since i've added any thoughts here. shits been crazy. thinking about too many things. so here's a list of headlines to catch up my loyal reader(s).

1. i FINALLY met with my committee to discuss my research. they loved it and for about 45mins i actually felt good about my research. the feeling has since past.

2. i'm now an official member of the american homebrewers association. courtesy of my parents.

3. winter has finally come to michigan and it's FREEZING.

4. i joined a bowling league. pat, aaron, and i (aka team "just here 4 beer") average 1 pitcher of miller lite per game. i even bought red and blue bowling shoes. just can't seem to finish all 3 games over 100 in a single night.

5. my latest beer, an explosive strong ale (no really, it actually blew the lid off my fermenter... twice!) will be done soon. i have high hopes for this one.

6. i'm trying to find a house to rent in lansing/east lansing. getting out of this shitty apartment before the rent goes up any more!

7. the subaru still kicks ass!!

8. i set a new personal record on the bench press: 125 lbs. i know it's not much. but i think it's pretty good for a skrawny runner that barely tips the scale at 143. you could say i'm getting more buff.

9. no matter how often i go to the wiskey barrel saloon, i don't get any better at line dancing.

10. i'm trying to get involved in my church's grad student and young professionals group. interesting group of people so far.

well that's all for now folks. i'm trying not to neglect this as much.

the beer nuts

2006-11-30T20:48:00.000-05:00

so in my previous post, i mentioned my failed application to become the beer advisory columnist for michigan state's student newspaper the state news. if you haven't heard, i didn't get the job. sadly they decided to give it to chris michner and kyle miller who, i'm told, have "more brewing experience." now for those of you who've tasted my homebrew (ok maybe not the cherry cream ale) should be rolling on the floor right down in a puddle of your own urine. i'm sure captain accountant and first mate physiology (yeah, i facebooked their bitch asses) have churned out half a dozen quality brews from their highly advanced, just-add-water mr beer kit. about a week ago their first column appeared on the newspaper's website rambling some shit about pumpkin beers, but writing seemed entertaining. today tweedle-dee and tweedle-dumb saw print for the first time with: savor these brews to survive the holidays. i encourage you all to read it.

now this "review" is a true journalistic gem, if i might say... or i could actually be honest and call it the most bland, unoriginal, and uninspiring description of four beers i've ever read in my entire life!!! for starters, they attempt to tackle holiday spice beers, a difficult subject because they embody flavors that just don't seem to belong in a beer. the sad part is, i almost enjoy their writing style... right up until they actually start talking about the beverages they're giving advice on! i personally enjoy their excessive use of the word "flavor" - 13 times in a 698 word article, sometimes even more than once in the same sentence: "the most prominent of the FLAVORS you will experience is the telltale FLAVOR and sweetness of the honey added to the brew. " granted, i was not an english major in college, but i'm smarted enough to know a little word variety is a good thing! best of all they never even bother to discuss what the hell a holiday spice beer's FLAVOR should be!! these numb-nuts are writing to 40,000+ students many of which spend saturday nights drinking natural light until they puke!! they don't have a freaking clue what the hell a winter white should taste like. all they know is that six of them cost the same as a 30 pack of their usual swill!!

but alas, these fine gentlemen are, after all 'experts' and i appreciate their advice. i can't wait to read their next insightful joyride into the vast unknown frontier of fermented magic as only a 6th grade vocabulary can facilitate. thus giving me even more reasons to hate the state news. honestly, if it wasn't for the sports coverage, the comics, and the $5 tax added to my tuition, i probably would never pick up a "free" copy on my way into the lab.

exploring beer diversity

2006-11-06T13:16:00.000-05:00

when the msu newspaper (the state news) solicited for someone to write a beer advisory column i just had to sumbit an entry for application. i figure i know as much, probably more, than most of the lousy undergrads on campus. the enditor has yet to return my email and i'm doubtful my work will ever see print. but i wrote the damn thing and someone ought to read it. so i present it here for my single loyal reader:

Whether you chalk it up to nature or nurture, I have undoubtedly picked up my father’s knack for obscure beers and his never-ending desire to explore the previously untasted. He sets a firm example, making sure never to stock our refrigerator with lesser Budweiser or Miller barley pops, but instead with domestic and foreign craft ales. Exotic beers have become our obsession and my father is unquestionably proud to see me carry on the family tradition. Our every conversation centers on our latest beer encounters, and I don’t dare drive home to visit my parents without a fresh six-pack of Michigan microbrew.

We have developed a family code that strictly governs our consumption practices; steering us away from the commonplace and towards the exploration of beers with more character. The most enjoyable part of being a beer-drinker is the ongoing pursuit of newfangled brews, and I never tire of searching for something novel to try. Beer’s greatest strength lies with its diversity. I hate to see people stuck in a rut, always ordering the same watered-down long-neck at every bar. With the hope of encouraging fledging beer connoisseurs everywhere, I’ve assembled a short guide for expanding your beer repertoire.

Start by experimenting with styles. The style of a beer defines its basic characteristics, such as: color, bitterness, body, aroma, and alcohol content. Historically, the assorted styles arose from the various ingredients used in different locations. These include: yeast strain, brewing technology, water quality, and even politics. Today, styles provide us with a vocabulary for discussing and comparing beers, while taking into consideration their different composition. Most novice drinkers, being accustomed to megabrewed swill, should start with smooth amber ales before progressing either towards more bitter IPAs or towards rich, creamy porters. Don’t be afraid to try as many styles as possible because each offers a different glimpse at beer’s complex nature. Each has a true staple example that can provide you with a fair representation of what that style has to offer.

Finding styles you prefer will greatly reduce your field of possibilities and you can begin to investigate different brewers’ interpretations. Although a style dictates the primary ingredient make-up and flavor characteristics, an element of artistry exists in brewing. The dream of every brewmaster is to develop a recipe that fits the established style guidelines but still has its own unique taste. Sample different iterations within a style and you should begin to develop a nose for the core composition of that style and appreciate how different brewers make it their own. Now, when confronted with a new beer, you can guess whether you’ll enjoy it or not because you have experimented within the style it represents.

Like all beer drinking, experimentation of new brews is best done with friends. More bars are increasing their selection, but don’t expect to find the truly obscure ones on tap at your local watering hole. Host a themed beer party and invite everyone to bring a different six-pack. You can choose from various themes like: regional beers, Michigan microbrews or German imports; style, stouts or fruit beers; or the totally extraordinary, non-English labels only. Whatever your theme may be, it provides a great opportunity for a group of friends to try many different beers without individually committing more than $10. Be sure to have small taster cups on hand because more than six people will want to try each beer, and you’ll undoubtedly crack one that you won’t want to finish.

It’s only fair to warn all you fledging connoisseurs of the risks inherent in beer experimentation. First, the craft beers I’m talking about, whether microbrew or import, will cost you more than say, the everyman’s case of Bud Lite. Be selective and make your purchases count because $9.00 six packs quickly add up to make an expensive hobby. Second, you’re going to encounter beers you won’t ever want to drink again. Not every beer should to appeal to you, but that’s the point of the whole process. You’re trying to broaden your horizons and experience the rich diversity of beers out there and they can’t possibly all be to your liking. I can remember a few dank beer experiences of my own, including a $40 case of Trois Pistoles that left me with 23 bottles in need of ‘alternate disposal.’ Third, you’re bound to get mixed reactions from your peers. In a perfect world, you would be quickly elevated to the role of resident beer aficionado, revered for your cool, sophisticated and refined palate. After all, you have methodically tested beers across the full spectrum of taste and color, while you’re friends slammed cans of PBR every night. However, people could just as easily write you off as a beer snob prick. It’s a chance you take.

But my hope is really that you learn something from a journey in beer exploration. Learn that beer has much more to offer than what the mass-producing factories of Anheuser Busch, Miller, and Coors try to force feed you. Learn that although most brews fall into defined styles, every brewer (especially the small ones) adds their own flair, which results in limitless taste variability. But once you find a style you like, you should be able to rely on it when drinking at any new pub or brewery. So be bold, step away from that pedestrian, watered-down beer you've been drinking, and reach for something with a little more character.

reflections on 26.2

2006-11-05T14:48:00.000-05:00

it has now been exactly two weeks since i completed the LeSalle Bank Chicago Marathon!! it took me a while, but i've finally accepted the fact that i really did run a marathon. if you read the previous post, you'll see that was pretty anxious during the week before the event... pretty NEGATIVE anxious to be more precise. true is, with all my ITBS problems, i really didn' t think i had a shot in hell of running the whole distance. and frankly, that PISSED ME OFF, a lot.

but i have to give some credit to my sister and her housemates. i know they were all pretty worried for me but none of them showed it. they were nothing but positive and supportive. i knew that i had to participate in one capacity or another. i knew that the start would be just as exhilarating as the finish. i knew that if i could run the first 10 and walk the rest, i'd still make it before the course closed. on the morning of oct 22, i don't know if it was their prayers, my adrenaline, the extra support straps on my IT band, or the gram of aleve running through my veins, but i made it! i ran every single one of those 26.2 miles!!!! and had a blast doing it!!!

running this marathon has easily become the one of the greatest things i've ever done. it was truly one of those big life accomplishments. i spent 4:51:50 just strolling around chicago with my sister and 34,ooo other crazy people to the sound of constant support from 1.5 million spectators!!! the first 22 miles really went fast! between the live bands, crazy spectators, friends we met along the way and all the other people, there are plenty of things to distract you from your throbbing legs! the last four however, were hell. by that point i started to realize how close we were to the finish. and so instead of just having fun in the moment, i started to think about the finish line, and it seemed like those last few miles took an eternity, literally!

despite the fact i could hardly walk for 2-3 days afterward, it really did take a few days to fully realize what i had done. and honestly it feels pretty good! i think i've shown EVERYONE my finisher's medal because damnit, i'm proud of my accomplishment. everyone asks me 'will you do another one?' sure, i think i'd like to run more marathons. knowing that i've made it once, really makes it more attainable. the marathon is no longer this lofty, insurmountable obstacle. there is, however, always room for improvement. my training was wrought with injury and i'm curious how much better i could have done with the training plan i had hoped to complete. but it will be a few years before i have another try at it and i'd like to pick a location a little warmer than chicago. but i plan on telling my grandkids that "i ran my FIRST marathon in chicago when i was 25."

i'm not smiling

2006-10-15T21:18:00.000-04:00

no, i'm not smiling! why you ask? well cause shit just isn't going my way these days. for starters, i've spend the last 8 months thinking about one day: october 22 and the chicago marathon! i'll admit that registering for a marathon this early in my running "career" was a bold move. but my sister was hard set, and so i decided to go for it! but injuries totally botched my whole summer training plans and just when i thought i had the whole ITBS thing beat, it flares up with 2 months to go. now here i am, exactly 7 days from the main event, and i'm good for about 6 miles before sharp pains shoot through my knee. i honestly don't think i can do this and therefore why should i even start!! and don't give me that bullshit about not being a failure for stopping in the middle. don't tell me about all the things i gained in the last 8 months of exercise. how can you expect me to stand at the starting line knowing full well defeat and disappointment are inevitable, the only variable is how long i want to be in pain!! what's the point in running through immense pain to complete the first 10 miles of a 26.2 mile event?!

plus i don't think i've generated a lick of data in the last 2.5 months. no seriously, i haven't achieved ANYTHING in the lab since july. this will really help my already delayed progress. i'm officially trapped in graduate school and my advisor doesn't seem the least bit concerned about how i continue to get pushed back farther and farther. my only hope is that the program director gets fed up and kicks my ass out of the program!

the only thing in my life that could be classified as going relatively well is my TA assignment in fundamental genetics. i love working with my students and teaching the recitation but the work is damn-near shy of overwhelming and the professor is just busting our balls! but it would be all worth it if i could chalk it up as "valuable teaching experience" or a good contribution to my "teaching portfolio" but considering i have NO aspirations to become a teacher, it's really just sucking up my time and energy. i'm not getting paid to teach this class, i'm getting paid to work in the lab... something i can't find time to do because of this damn class!

oh yeah, and it's now officially been 2 WEEKS since my birthday and apparently my present is "IN THE MAIL." so how long am i supposed to expose myself to this shit?! i'm really doing my best to make progress, more forward, be open and forthcoming... but seriously, i can only handle so much disappointment and tolerate so much superficial conversation. if you really do care, START ACTING LIKE IT!

so no, i'm not fucking smiling right now.

quarter century

2006-10-01T23:03:00.000-04:00

this year i have decided my obligatory birthday moment of reflection will be more about resolutions for the future than ramblings about another year past. i started my day with a run in the dinosaur dash 5k; a beautiful 3.1 miles of autumn reflection, then noon mass at st john. surprisingly, the gospel (mark 9:38-48) and fr mark's always excellent homily totally cemented this year's birthday resolution. it's time i got back to being the person i thought i am; living and acting the way i always thought i did. admittedly, this sounds really bizarre. but think about it. we all have some kind of self image but if we slip away from that little by little, pretty soon we're not who we thought we were. me? i've slipped pretty far. a 5k run, today's gospel, and fr mark's homily all reinforced something i already knew; i haven't been acting like who i want to be and i have the power to stop!! all i have to do is start acting, thinking, speaking, living like the person i am. (1) i'm going to cut out all these negative relationships in my life; stop giving my time and energy to people who aren't helping me achieve my best self. (2) i'm going to turn some of my shallow, fluff relationships into truer, more meaningful friendships. (3) i'm going to remember why i'm proud to have grown up catholic, why it's important to attend mass every week, and start acting accordingly. (4) i'm going to restore my balanced lifestyle of equal growth physically, mentally, spiritually, and socially. i've drifted into a void. a void where i've lost sight of all the things that used to make me who i am. it's about damn time i got back to those fundamental values and practices, shook off the complacency, and started taking positive steps towards a fuller, more vibrant, well rounded mike. year 26 of my life is the perfect year for such an adventure.

my weekend. by the numbers.

2006-09-24T16:02:00.000-04:00

10 - hours i spent grading genetics exams on friday afternoon/evening.
0 - number beers i was able to have at the bar on friday night.
11 - full, unbroken bottles of beer in labatt blue 12 pack i purchased from meijer.
19 - unanswered points given up my michigan state in the fourth quarter.
9 - text messages i received from my ex-girlfriend on saturday.
4 - sleeping bodies i had to step over to get out of my apartment sunday morning.
3 - miles i was able to run sunday morning in the capital city river run 10 miler before my damn knee started hurting again.
8:43 - fastest mile i ran in the ccrr.
14:40 - slowest mile i ran/walked in the ccrr.
100 - approximate number of old people that shuffled past me during my walk-breaks in the ccrr.
4 - weeks until the chicago marathon.
0 - probability that i will be able to actually complete all 26.2 miles of the chicago marathon.
2 - visits to pearle vision, one pick-up and one return for new glasses that they broke.
7 - days until i turn 25.
-20 - my excitement to go to work tomorrow (scale: 1-10).

my single roommate...

2006-09-15T22:53:00.000-04:00

my single roommate is WAY more fun to hang out with than my old, super-committed relationship, whipped so bad his balls are in a jar, roommate. after breaking up with his long-time lady, my roommate can now actually be found in lansing on the weekends hanging out with his friends and doing fun stuff. not only that, but the boy has released his inner undergrad and enjoys frequenting crazy bars chasing after hot tail! which means only one thing; i get to also frequent crazy bars chasing after hot tail! in general it's a mutual wing-man effort, and i've had to play my turn running interference against unwanted teases. although we celebrate successful phone number acquisitions, most of the time it's really just a lot of late night drinking! honestly i'm not sure how long i can keep up. but i promise i'm riding this wave as far as possible!

complain, complain

2006-08-21T21:51:00.000-04:00

if you've spoken to me at all in the last six months (we're talking real conversation here, not the bullshit 5min 'hi how are you?' stuff) then there's a good chance i complained about my displeasure with graduate school. between the seeming irrelevant course work, mind-numbing seminars, nagging administrators, and countless hours of painstakingly slow and directionless research, there really is a lot of reasons why i don't enjoy being a graduate student. believe it or not, i've actually done so much complaining, that i've even begun to notice it. so the obvious question i ask myself is therefore: "self, at what point does this become more than just the standard, basal level of whining, and come to represent a real problem with my current career direction?" no seriously, am i complaining because this grueling program is channeling me into a career path that i don't want, by way of a phd that i was never really sure i needed? or am i just bitching because, like you and everyone else i know, i'm inherently lazy and it feels good to let off some steam while still getting all my work done... just in the nick of time? some how i must decide whether it's best to get the hell out of here and pursue something that i really enjoy, or just suck it up and earn the phd and the opportunities (and restrictions) that come with it. now how the hell am i going to find time to do that between all my classes, experiments, and teaching requirements?!

bitch, i'm back

2006-08-10T20:12:00.000-04:00

news flash, it's been 6 months since i've posted anything on this thing! what the duce?! so when i started this whole "blog-thing" it was supposed to be a collection of my thoughts, rants, complaints, observations, etc. and i tried to make them sort of complete. well i'm just too damn lazy and writing these entries became too much like writing short essays. but now i'm back and i'm changing my format. from now on, this blog will still be about me bitching, commenting, and rambling, but everything will be in one paragraph or less. if i can't get you to understand what's pissing me off in the world this week in 5-6 sentences, we should both start drinking. so look forward to very blunt, and direct opinions from my clutter mind... maybe even more than just once every three months if you're lucky.

hey discovery!

2006-02-16T21:02:00.000-05:00

i've always been interested in the public evolution vs. intelligent design (ID) controversy. i say 'public' because that's really the only arena in which it actually is a controversy. any self-respecting scientist excepts the basic principles of darwinian evolution supported by both classic and more modern molecular evidence and recognizes that intelligent design is poorly re-tooled version of neo-creationism! but public perception is a powerful thing and thus the 'controversy' lives on.

the 'intellectual' command center for intelligent design could be the discovery institute, who describe them selves as "a non-profit, non-partisan, public policy think tank headquartered in seattle and dealing with national and international affairs." their mission statement:

"to make a positive vision of the future practical. the institute discovers and promotes ideas in the common sense tradition of representative government, the free market and individual liberty. our mission is promoted through books, reports, legislative testimony, articles, public conferences and debates, plus media coverage and the institute's own publications and Internet website."

i like to visit their website every once in awhile when i'm feeling down and need a good laugh. here are some examples.

in response to the recent changes in science teaching standards in ohio, casey luskin, program officer for public policy and legal affairs has this to say:

"darwin-only activists are dumping down the teaching of evolution and stopping science learning, this is nothing more than a gag order on science, a dogmatic approach to education that restricts students from learning about evolution"

so wait a second. are you telling me that after all this time, discovery institute, the organization that has agressively lobbied for ID by providing council and 'expert' witnesses in every court battle, is now opposing the ohio decision in defense of evolution? who the hell are these people kidding?! honestly, it's pretty damn clear which corner of this boxing match they are in. take for example discovery institute's center for science and culture. the main goals of this program are as follows:

support research by scientists and other scholars challenging various aspects of neo-darwinian theory,
support research by scientists and other scholars developing the scientific theory known as intelligent design,
support research by scientists and scholars in the social sciences and humanities exploring the impact of scientific materialism on culture,
ecourage schools to improve science education by teaching students more fully about the theory of evolution, including the theory's scientific weaknesses as well as its strenghts,

i reallappreciatete their distiction between neo-darwinism and evolution. apparently they have no bones to pick with evolution but it's neo-darwinism that idestroyingng our society by forcing its supposed materialism on everyone! it would appear that the members of discovery fail to understand that neo-darwinism (better known as the 'new synthesis') represents the unification of every major biological field together to offer the most comprehensive understanding of life; which only makes sense within the frame work of evolution. but my favorite part about the center for science and culture is that it's directors are dr stephen meyer, whose phd is in the history and philosophy of science, and dr john west, whose phd is in government. these guys are not scientists! i appreciate the philosophy of science, i really do, but if your trying to make a compelling scientific argument for something like intelligent design don't get a couple of book worms from the humanities!!

i could go on all day about these nut jobs. i encourage you to check into their website for more classic excerpts. my guess is you'll start to see a continual pattern: discovery institute claims to make scientific arguments to oppose the unified biologicaprincipleses of the new synthesis and support instead the alternative theory of intelligent design. they declare to do so independent of religious or creationistic influence but it's quite clear that their position rests heavily on poorly disguised religious fundamentalism (in some form or another) hell-bent on preventing "materialism" from apparently ruining our society. sadly, the general public is largely uninformed and easily falls victim to their "teach the controversy" ploys to insert creationism into science education where has no place. look for a more direct refutation of intelligent design to come later.

the OTHERS

2006-02-08T21:55:00.000-05:00

somewhere in this past week i realized something; OTHER people are a real pain in the ass! think about it. whether you're driving down the road, at work, buying groceries, or sitting in class, these OTHER people really get in the way with their inconsiderate nature and just basic annoyance. i can't even go to church, the place where i'm supposed to be able to escape the confusions of the world, without OTHER people causing disruptions.

for example, lets consider the daily task of driving to work, the mall, doctor, brothel... where ever. i am the kind of driver that is always looking for the most efficient route between two points. i'll take the shortest backroads, i'll drive as fast as reasonably allow. maybe i'm just too impatient or maybe my stupid jeep gets terrible gas mileage. but in my quest to achieve ultimate road travel OTHER drivers are always getting in my way. you've seen them too; they drive 37 in 40 mph zone, never use their blinker, take turns no faster than 2.5 mph, stop immediately when the light turns yellow, never leave the left lane on the interstate, and never let you merge smoothly into traffic. worst of all, when you're running late, all their OTHER driver friends are out there clogging up the road, making it impossible to get there on time.

everyday on campus, i go in and out of buildings and lots of OTHER people are too damn inconsiderate to look behind them and hold the door for you. apparently they're just so busy they have to just let it shut in your face. OTHER people don't share the sidewalk and they use those handicap door openers. nothing drives me crazier that when OTHER people take the elevator up or down just one floor.

when i go to the store. those damn annoying OTHER people leave their shopping carts in the middle of isles, step in front of me while i'm sorting through some items, and even cut you off in the check out lines. you'd swear grocery shopping was now a competitive sport where OTHER people deliberately try to slow me down so they can finish first. i must also mention the OTHER people that work the registers who, because they must stand there all night, dont' realize that i went down the express lane for a reason: i'm in a hurry.

even at church or in class these damn OTHER people can't sit in a room and not talk for 60 minutes. if you're not interested in what's going on, fine, leave or sit there quietly. why do they always have to talk to their neighbors and friends distracting the rest of us. it's nothing more than disrespect.

so i think it's quite clear that OTHER people really get in the way of my daily activities. admittedly i do get frustrated easily sometimes, but the simple underlying fact is people are just simply INCONSIDERATE. i almost wished they really did do all these things to spite, me but the sorry truth is these OTHER people are completely oblivious to the whole thing! are you and i the only normal people in this world? are we the only ones that realize when we're in someone else's way or have enough respect for those around us to behave in social situations? i guess the only thing positive to come out of my observation of the inconsiderate nature of OTHER people is that i now should make a conscious effort to avoid committing such social misdeeds, as long as it doesn't disrupt my own efficient driving.

brewing scientist

2006-01-14T15:39:00.000-05:00

i've complained about grad school many times before. it's a lot of work but more importantly, i am frustrated with how everything is geared toward an academic career path. academics are concerned only with training more academics. sure they won't come out and say it. but nothing makes them happier than seeing a student move on to continue doing research as a professor; carrying on the torch and bringing them more credibility.

i however, have never been too drawn to the academic career path and graduate school turns me off to the idea all the time. so what's left for me? beer. that's right. maybe the best use of my graduate degree would be to brew handcrafted beer! talk about a labor of love.

i've already begun experimenting with the fundamentals with homebrewing. so if this little endeavor is going to take off i need to come up with a creative company name. i had one when i started, but it sucked. i'll always be a scientist at hard and i want that to carry over into my beer. the word "alchemy" or "alchemist" because it just makes a cool reference to the ancient beginnings of science and the quest to convert something worthless (lead) into something valuable (gold). just seems like a great analogy. so i need some input, ideas, suggestions... here are some of my initial ideas for a name:

modern alchemy brewing co.
saint alchemist brewing co.
new alchemy brewing co.

i don't know. i just want to find a way to capture my approach to brewing. what do you think?

"awww... i hate the waiting game!"

2005-11-13T22:37:00.000-05:00

i've lost it. i'm sick of graduate school; sick of boring classes and useless seminars. i'm sick trading my sanity in exchange for progress towards a career i don't even know if i want. burned out you ask? maybe so. or maybe i'm just questioning this whole ordeal. two years ago, graduate school was the full-proof plan. free education, real research experience, PLUS $18K a year; how could this not be a good idea? well if you have a serious plan, a direction, or ANY general idea for a career, it's a great idea. i had none of these.

i'm currently reading robert peters' getting what you came for and it only took 2 paragraphs for me to realize i went to grad school for the WRONG reasons; because i wasn't sure what else i could do. stupid book was supposed to help me get through, not make me regret joining.

but it's not that i'm just fed up with being a student. lately i've just felt a dissatisfation with my involvement. let me clarify. i have passed all my classes, found a decent thesis advisor, and even begun to make progress on my research. granted, i haven't put in 110% and could probably be a little farther along than i am, but no one would say that i'm doing poorly. rather, my dissatisfaction seems more personal. here i am, curious and investigating the phenomenon of living beings, which i firmly believe to be among the most nobel causes, but for what? i don't impact anyone's life, i don't help make a difference. i just investigate bacteria. this can get very frustrating when you know other people who have real jobs and make real contributions to the world, or people who give their lives in service to others. those are people who are doing things, those are the people of whom i'm jealous.

so i guess you could say i'm sick of waiting. sick of biding my time in the annals of academia working towards a greater, more abstract state of scholasticism, from which i'm supposed to be able to change the world. but from within the system, i can now understand the self proclaimed prestige that many individuals carry once they reach that goal towards which i'm heading. they've all worked hard, they deserve the respect no doubt. but what good are they if they can argue over the intricacies of gene regulation in mutant fruit flies? everyone of them would argue that it serves the greater understanding, the constant progression of scientific thought, and may someday contribute to a higher quality of life for all. surely we'd all agree this is as noble a cause as any other. but such romance in the real world is manifested many times as nothing more than a paper in a prestigious journal. ideas in print that will make some kiss your ass and others fiercly refute every word. this is the dream of many exceptional scientists.

but i said i'm sick of waiting. i want to start changing the world now. don't ask me how, that's why i'm in graduate school; because i lack a better idea. but these other people i speak of, the ones making a difference and impacting lives, they're not any smarter (well, not all of them) or better than i am. so what do they have that i don't? GUTS! guts to try something hard that puts them outside of their comfort zone. guts to live somewhere far from home without guaranteed financial stability. and they do it all in the name of service because they are happy helping other people, no matter the cost. so why don't i do it? why don't i make the step out of 'comfortable' and into 'significant,' into a life with purpose and full of people that benefit from my gifts and talents? part of me is ready to quit tomorrow and find a job hundreds of miles away where i know lives are benefiting from my service. but i don't. i stay here; unhappy and stuck in a rut, unable to take the risk. what am i so afraid of?

my next 24 years...

2005-10-05T23:09:00.000-04:00

in light of my recent birthday i think it's appropriate for me to reflect on the first 24 years of my life. to me, 24 feels pretty damn old. let's be honest, if i were a mere mortal 25% of my life would have already passed me by. fortunately for me, i plan on living forever so it's not as big of a deal, but 24 is the oldest i've ever been so far, so it's still a significant milestone.

although most people would agree (myself included) that i've lived a somewhat sheltered and predictable life so far. i grew up in a smallish city down in west virginia. i have an average family with one sister and my parents are actually not divorced. i was even snotty enough to attend a catholic school from kindergarten up through college. nothing terribly exciting or traumatic has ever happened to me. (*knocking on wood*) but don't take this as a complain! i'm actually very thankful for my childhood and on the whole i'd say i'm satisfied with how it all turned out. i may not be normal, but c'mon i didn't turn out that bad!

that being said, i think there's still a lot of great things that i've experienced in my first 24 years that have made me into whatever the hell i am now, and i'm proud of (almost) all of them. i have a high school diploma and a college degree in biochemistry and environmental chemistry (which i even earned in four years!). i was a hardworking, successful student but still managed to play varsity tennis and soccer in high school and even two years of college tennis. my high school retreat team and college residence life days were all fun and interesting too. not only that but i've even convinced a handful of people that i could be a good candidate for a phd in genetics.

in 24 years i've: seen gas for $0.87 and for $3.29; held jobs delivering newspapers, serving hot dogs, cleaning tables, and testing sewage samples; busted my own front teeth; brewed my own beer; test driven cars with no intent to buy; been arrested for underage consumption; won a state tennis title; found love only to lose it again; and split open my chin on the side of a bathtub.

my spiritual life has seen peaks and valleys. i felt at home in college and alien in graduate school. i've even known 'good drunk' and 'bad drunk' feelings. but some how i've survived, changed, grown, evolved into me... here... now. i look at the long trip and i can't fabricate any real complaints. i mean, sure i wish i had received a corvette for my 16th birthday and my parents would have taken me to chucky cheeze for my birthday; but i can't come up with any real complaints. that doesn't mean i would have done everything the same and i'm 100% satisfied with how my life is at 24.

i think years 1 through 23 went really well, but the past year has been a real battle. i've found myself forced into this strange university setting working towards a degree that i'm not positive i really want and a career path that is beyond foggy. in many ways i've been forced to start over from scratch. the family, social, and religious support that i had relied on so much before my arrival at msu pretty much dropped away. i spend so much of my day feeling lonely and questioning whether or not i made the right decision by coming here. furthermore, this has only added to my already basal level of cynicism and negative sarcasm. now i've only driven away those that i love the most and all because of my own uncertainty and unhappiness.

so in my next 24 years i'm looking to make a few changes but still hold on to all those sculpting experiences that have developed me. for starters, i need to get my relationship back with the big man. i can't believe home much i took that catholic school atmosphere for granted. it really does provide a support system that i miss now that that it's gone. this is really an underlying improvement that should provide clarity and a positive approach to just about everything else. next i just wish i could get some kind of clear idea of where the hell my education and my career are supposed to be taking me. there a plenty of days when i can't come up for one good reason why i should be a graduate student yet i don't know where else i could go. without this goal-oriented mind set i've found it very difficult to focus on both my course work and my research. together, these improvements should make for a much more satisfied and happy mike. once that happens i can concentrate on rebuilding the relationships that have fallen victim to the unhappy, cynical attitude that has grown out of my first year of graduate school. hopefully this will lead to forgiveness coupled to an exponential positive increase in my overall outlook. my next 24 years should offer me a huge turning point out of all this aimless wandering and into an interesting life with some professional direction... i hope.

in the my next 24 years i want to buy a motorcycle, start a family, drive across the country in an open top sports car, do more camping, build a library in my house, learn more about sailing, become an excellent cook, write a book, run a few marathons, spend time with my grandparents, keep in touch with college friends, and travel outside of north america. i want to have the balls to quit a job, eat a steak bigger than my head, drive all day to deliver flowers in person, volunteer for people who have real reasons to complain, and read one book every month.

oh yeah... and i'd also like to get more exercise and eat healthier. but don't expect me to stop drinking dark, expensive beers. and playing more golf would be nice too.

"somebody more like you"

2005-09-21T22:50:00.000-04:00

i didn't hear you say you're sorry

the fault must be mine

i wish you all the best of luck

at finding somebody more like you

you said you'd love me always, truly

i must have changed

cause you don't need me like you used to

i hope you find somebody more like you

i hope you finally find someone

someone that you trust

and give him everything

i hope you meet someone your height

so you can see eye-to-eye

with someone as small as you

you came out of nowhere, made me smile

then tore me in two

saying, "we're very different people"

so dear, i hope you find somebody more like you

i hope you find somebody more like you

"somebody more like you"

nickel creek

what is it about relationships that just make you pay more attention to song lyrics? no matter what stage of a relationship you are in, there's probably a song about how you feel... or maybe i'm just a dork.

the average chemistry of life

2005-09-18T20:56:00.000-04:00

note: the following train of thought is part of an ongoing scribble that is spread across that last page of a few of my notebooks. chances are i was supposed to be studying, but instead my mind started to wander in more 'philosophical' directions. proving once again that i've become such a science dork that i can't even daydream properly. please bear in mind that the following ideas are incomplete and certainly require more serious reflection.

ever since smart people started to investigate the world around them (probably the greeks), people were certain that there had to be a fundamental difference between those things that are alive and those that are not. rocks, hills, and trees (to them at least) just had to be missing something that humans, and animals to a lesser extent, possess. i'm sure they concocted some interesting explanations based upon their observations. but today, our molecular understanding of life indicates that all functions of biology are purely at the mercy of 'blind' chemistry. (more fundamentally we could say physics because that is what drives chemistry, but i'm a biochemist/molecular biologist, not a physicist.)

everything that has been learned about cellular life in the last hundred years; enzymes catalyzing reactions, gene regulation, environmental perception, everything is carried out by simple, favorable chemical reactions. as microbiologists we often speak of a bacterial cell 'sensing' the most readily metabolizable energy source and producing the corresponding enzyme pathways. after all 'response to external stimuli is one of the basic criteria for defining life.' in our abstract language we imply that a single bacterium is controlled by a conscious decision maker in a small membrane-bound cockpit manipulating the controls. but a living cell is fundamentally nothing more than an enclosed aggregate of molecules, very complex and specialized molecules by any measure, but molecules no the less.

this bears with it great complications. what makes these interacting molecules so special to set them apart from acid/base chemistry in a bubbling stream, ozone formation in the upper atmosphere, and dissolution of salt ions in water? nothing! it's all the same simple chemistry. there is basically nothing fancy about biological chemistry; charges interact, hydrophobic regions associate together by van der waals forces, electrons are passed around, and covalent bonds are formed and broken. what then bridged the great gap between chemistry of the non-living and chemistry of the living? how did unavoidable, spontaneous, and random chemical reactions become so concerted and organized to point of autonomy capable of precise self-replication? likewise, how could the continuation of these reactions result in undirected improvement and selection through evolution?

to be honest, the molecules responsible for life are far more complex than those which you associate with the non-living. you'll be hard pressed to look in your backyard and find a interesting molecule that is not the result of 'living' chemical reactions. interestingly, the element at the heart of many such molecules is carbon. everything in a cell; it's lipid membrane envelope, the protein machines, the dna blueprints, and even the 'food' it consumes are all based around carbon chemistry. (organic chemistry is inescapable) but lest we forget, other carbon containing compounds, thou less complex and far less exciting, exist in nature with the help of life. popular examples of these molecules include methane, carbon dioxide, and bicarbonate; so we can't really rely on carbon as 'the stuff of life' even though it plays a critical role.

now the wandering mind (well, my wandering mind) takes things a step further and on to bigger questions; scarier questions. how do we make the next jump, from single-celled life up to a rational, reflective organism like a human? right now we may not be able to explain consciousness, thought, language, and emotion in terms of chemistry. so we are back with the greeks, and appeal to an understanding not rooted in chemistry. such a view can certainly change, as scary as it sounds. and what about God? does our idea of a creator or supreme being fall under attack if we now adopt a 'chemical' perception of the world and it's organization into life? maybe God would have to exist outside of this world of interacting molecules if our understanding of Him is to hold true. there are some obvious implications that this possess to creationism and evolution camps alike. none of which i am prepared to consider just yet.

what about life on other plants? how does this all effect our definition of 'life?' it seems that if our complex and diverse mixture of life here on earth functions successfully by spontaneous, favorable chemical interactions (and may have arisen from such interactions) there must, unequivocally be life (at some level) elsewhere in the vastness of the universe.

it doesn't take long to see the danger inherent in some of these ideas. i'll admit, it's scary stuff that can shake your foundation. but it begs a lot of questions that thinkers great (or at least more educated) that i aren't always willing to touch. like i said, more development is required. fortunately i'm never at a loss for homework i'd rather not be doing.

on the run...

2005-09-11T23:00:00.000-04:00

so i think it's safe to say that in the last four months i've done more running than i probably have in the previous 23.5 years! which is kinda funny considering that i played varsity soccer and tennis in high school and even two years of college tennis. everyone just assumes that i was cross country runner, but no. this year, all of a sudden, i just starting running just for the sake of running.

a few weeks ago someone asked me why i run. she could not understand why anyone would just go out on and just run two, three, or five miles just for the hell of it. the best part is, i don't understand it either. i couldn't give her an answer, i just said "i don't know," like some idiot. but then i thought about it more. i thought about it when i was rushing home from work to get stretched out and on the road, when i was burning down the sidewalk in 90 degree sunshine, when i was cursing my pain-striken legs through the last mile, and when i was bent over my knees wondering if this would be the run that finally made me puke! i thought about it a lot, and here's a few ideas i came up with.

1. grad school is a bitch! just when i had figured out how to play the college game, everything changed and now i'm thrown into a HUGE university taking impossible classes and attempting to complete productive, original research. needless to say it was pretty easy to get lazy after all that other stuff and outside of 2 hours of frisbee a week (when it's actually warm out) i was getting next to no regular exercise. my sister had done lots of running and i'd done some myself in the past, but only sporadically. but it seemed like an easy thing to do on my own, which was good since all my friends are crazy busy grad students too who don't take to running very well. so i made a big jump and bought a pair of good running shoes in may, and just forced myself to get started!

b. i don't know why and i don't know how; but for some reason i enjoy my daily run. i'll be perfectly honest and admit this defies all reason. every day after work i struggle to get my shoes on, get stretched out, and hit the asphalt. i'm exhausted and all i want to do is watch tv and eat. i hate the last mile; when i'm sucking air, my legs are crying, i'm soaked in sweat, and my mouth is dry. i hate the stiff feeling i get all over my body when i finally get back to the apartment. yet all the time in between; when i'm settled into my pace and my mp3 player is pumping in my ears, i'm just in the groove, effortlessly cruzing along and some days i swear i could just run forever. it's the most unsuspecting peaceful feeling. all the stress associated with classes, failing research experiments, department administrative bullshit, relationship woes, everything just disappears in my wake. my head is finally sorted and cleared. i work out plans, reflect on the days experiences, and contemplate possible entries for this block. all as i chug along at a steady 6:45 minute mile pace. unfortunately, it doesn't take long for all those things to catch up with me when i stop.

III. turns out running can be a great benefit for you and for others too! i really enjoy running charity 5K races and, lucky for me, the greater lansing area has TONS of them throughout the summer. most of these races are held to raise money for different charities of sorts. so for about $15-25 i can run a sunday morning 5K (earning a t-shirt and race snacks) and some of that money actually goes to charity. so in the seven races i've participated in this summer i made some contributions to angel house, the listening ear, ele's house, lansing community college, and the potter park zoo. all of this is on top of the great exercise and friendly competition.

i don't want to paint a completely pretty, happy picture of my new running hobby. running still hurts and a good race really kicks my ass. i have to keep reminding myself that this is therapy for me; it's my release from grad school insanity. when i find pace slipping and my side really cramping i just take my run eight feet at a time. i concentrate on the next eight feet and forget about the remaining four miles. it's suppressing how far i can run when i don't think about it.

well with a few weeks left before the onset of the great michigan winter there is still much running to be had. i'm currently gearing up for my longest races yet; an and a !!! To make it worse they're only a week apart. After that, there's a few more 5K runs to finish out the season. i'll keep at it and start brainstorming ways to keep up my miles through the winter.

a problem of pain...

2005-08-27T22:58:00.000-04:00

while at work i was skimming over some google news articles, as i often do, and i came across an interesting story. apparently an article was recently published in the journal of the american medical association (jama) that reviewed the current understanding of fetal pain perception. in essence, the reviews concluded that it's quite possible that a fetus is incapable of feeling pain until after 20 weeks of gestation. naturally this caused quite a stink and i guess a lot of conservatives out there are on the attack, trying to take up issue with the authors. clearly this is a bit of an over-reaction, something ultra-conservatives are good at, given that the article is simply just a review of previously published data.

but this isn't really what caught my attention. the most startling part for me was the fact the there actually exists legislation in some states that abortions performed after 20 weeks are required to administer fetal anesthesia. the paper's argument was simply that fetal anesthesia, in abortions as well fetal surgeries, is not necessary. but lets back this train up here! before an abortion post 20 weeks a doctor must administer anesthesia?! yeah, this makes sense.

lets think about this. why do we use anesthesia? to ease pain during surgery so that patients don't suffer unnecessarily during the process. so then why would someone performing an abortion care about lessening the suffering on an unborn fetus? this implies that a fetus can/may perceive pain and the use of anesthesia makes the process more 'humane.' what?! don't pro-choicers argue that a fetus isn't really alive? or a person? or however they justify it? how can an unborn, non-living thing (a bundle of cells!) experience pain? it doesn't seem reasonable to me that someone can both support the need for fetal anesthesia during an abortion and hold the view that a fetus is not alive and deserving of basic rights.

the funny thing about the ability to perceive pain is that it takes me back to my environmental ethics class and our discussion of animal rights. arguments are put forth that it's the ability to experience pain and suffering that bestows animals with basic rights that must be honored. thus, if a fetus can feel pain, then it too must possess some rights as well; even above an beyond those of animals that many activists fight so hard for.

but what if the reviews from jama are right and a fetus really does lack the ability to perceive pain? (assuming that such a conclusion can be accurately made) if the perception of pain bestows rights and responsibilities… does the absence of this sensory ability take it away? what about people in vegetative or degenerative states? can they sense pain… sometimes not. just look at all the fuss that surrounds them as their families and doctors make the decision to continue or end their lives.

so ultimately; to support fetal anesthesia… supports fetal perception of pain… which bestows a fetus with intrinsic moral rights/value that must be recognized… and therefore abortion is a breach of those intrinsic rights and must be MURDER.

One year down and only ____ more to go!

2005-08-23T21:05:00.000-04:00

it's now late august, days are getting shorter and east lansing traffic is getting more hectic as all the damn undergrads return to town. this can only mean that class will be starting again soon only adding to my insanity. i'm now officially a second year graduate student, but what the hell does that mean? yeah, i've taken some courses and i've worked on four different research projects, but have i really made any progress?

in a 'glass is half full' manner, lets consider the positive first. i think i've really become accustomed to life out there on my own. with a few minor exceptions, i'd like to think i've done rather well at managing my finances, keeping my apartment clean, getting along with my roommate, making friends, drinking beer, eating/cooking healthy, and even getting my butt to church on a weekly basis. i enjoy 'visiting' my parents in wv and 'returning home' to lansing. this was my first chance to really be faced with some of this stuff, and so far i've lived to talk about it and i'd consider that a good thing.

that's all well and good but i'm here for school right, so shouldn't that be a bit more important? i'm always over critical and even pessimistic at times, so i find it hard to label this past year as a true "success." i came here a year ago, overwhelmed by the switch from a small catholic college of 1,400 students to a monstrous state university of 45,000+. my area of research fell within the vague realm of "environmental biochemistry" as i liked to call it, whatever the hell that is! at the time, to be honest, i had no freaking clue either! all i knew was i had a BS degree in biochemistry AND environmental chemistry and i wanted the two to work together. my graduate program advisor was a bit skeptical, but figured he'd let me give it a shot. so after two semesters of course work and three laboratory rotations, i hadn't found anyone that i could do "environmental biochemistry" with at MSU. i was left with the summer to reevaluate my research interests and find an advisor willing to support a confused student such as myself. fortunately for me, and my bank account, i was able to come up with another area of research that had interested me; evolutionary biology. because this whole process really deserves it's own entry to do it justice, i'll refrain from further elaboration now and come back to this some time later.

but now back to the present, staring at an opaque cup trying to decide how much chocolate milk is in there. the independent lifestyle that i've developed seems to be working, mostly, but this school-thing still needs more time for me to figure out. twelve months have elapsed and i still don't understand what my scientific interests are or even if a PhD is what i need to really explore them. i still don't know for certain i'm even in the right place doing the right thing.

but it's only been a year, a rather fast one i might add. so maybe i'm just reaching for an unreasonable level of understanding and direction about my educational track. maybe. maybe not. all these ideas certainly require further attention though. we'll see what happens.

Introduction

2005-08-14T16:14:00.000-04:00

For the first post on my new blog it seems necissary to take an opportunity to provide some sort of introduction to explain who I am and why I'm writing my thoughts down here. I can't really say that I'm anything extraordinary, but rather just a regular dorky graduate student. My chosen field of study of biochemistry and molecular biology, though some days I'm not sure why. But I don't like to think of my current position as the only defining characteristic of who I am.

Hopefully as I sort through my daily thoughts and ideas in the form of rambling postings on this blog site, a more clear picture will surface of who I am and where I'm coming from. I promise that my future postings will offer a unique mix of insightfulness and humor that can only be described as the twisted way in which I view and think about the world.