if you've spoken to me at all in the last six months (we're talking real conversation here, not the bullshit 5min 'hi how are you?' stuff) then there's a good chance i complained about my displeasure with graduate school. between the seeming irrelevant course work, mind-numbing seminars, nagging administrators, and countless hours of painstakingly slow and directionless research, there really is a lot of reasons why i don't enjoy being a graduate student. believe it or not, i've actually done so much complaining, that i've even begun to notice it. so the obvious question i ask myself is therefore: "self, at what point does this become more than just the standard, basal level of whining, and come to represent a real problem with my current career direction?" no seriously, am i complaining because this grueling program is channeling me into a career path that i don't want, by way of a phd that i was never really sure i needed? or am i just bitching because, like you and everyone else i know, i'm inherently lazy and it feels good to let off some steam while still getting all my work done... just in the nick of time? some how i must decide whether it's best to get the hell out of here and pursue something that i really enjoy, or just suck it up and earn the phd and the opportunities (and restrictions) that come with it. now how the hell am i going to find time to do that between all my classes, experiments, and teaching requirements?!
8.21.2006
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I hear ya! This is The Academic Problem.
I didn't have it so severely in graduate school because I really enjoyed the city I was in, had a lot of really smart, relaxed, hip people around, and had a good teaching + fellowship package. That was fun and I got a lot out of it, but it also masked the malaise. There is a whole lot of b.s. in academia, and much meaningless activity!!!
I don't know what to do about it ultimately, and the world and the economy are not in very good shape right now, so it is hard to judge situations or make projections. However, what I am trying to do is, focus on what most interests me, and remember the interests and enjoyment that got me into this biz in the first place.
I hated my first tenure track assistant professorship, went to another that I liked better, although not really well enough, got tenured and then got a little stuck in the career, because I am not pleased enough with where I am to really get up the energy to get elsewhere. I would have to be a bigger star than I am to get an offer that would be more than a lateral move, and I am not in a place which permits me to rise to greater stardom. So now, I have a lot of hobbies, and I travel a lot, but I would rather be happier with work.
I seriously considered a career change but got talked out of it, do not know whether this was right or not. At the moment, I am considering just turning into a writer eventually, if I could possibly make a living at it.
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